#so i can use it

[glorified-red]

sex ed from red 👍

No literally, idk how my blog turned into this.

This is also hilarious to me because i got bored one day a few months ago and decided to write a fic where Tim goes to Jason for help with sex and it was supposed to be a crack fic. I wanted to write a smut scene but the overhead narration was Jason listing advice to Tim and then Tim actually using it in practice. I got maybe 1.5k words in? And just couldnt keep going because it was so perfect and I kept laughing while writing. I didn't even get to the lecture, I just couldnt 🤣

Here, a little treat:

“Goldie’s gonna flip his shit if he finds out I’m doing this,” Jason said under his breath while wiping off whatever was on the whiteboard already. Tim could barely make out a chaotic map of Jason’s territory as Red Hood, red lines scattered across sharp lines of alleyways and clunky boxes of warehouses.

Tim waited patiently, bouncing on the balls of his feet. The older boy wiped marker flakes off his sweatpants, looking at Tim expectantly. “Are you just going to stand there awkwardly or are you gonna pull up a chair and take notes, because I’m only going through this once so you better treat it like a briefing.” 

“Do I get to ask questions?” Tim rolled Jason’s desk chair over in front of the board and sat down. 

“You can wait till I’m done. I can’t have you interrupting me.” 

Tim nodded firmly. “Right.” 

Jason stood beside the board like a Professor waiting on his class to settle down, the bored expression, the nonchalant stance, even his bangs were pulled back so he could concentrate. He uncapped the black marker and the cap found its way into the pocket of his sweatpants as his stance shifted onto one side---impatient.

“Well?" Jason prompted with the opened marker, "Are you gonna pull out a notepad?” 

“Oh,” Tim scrambled for his phone and clicked open his notes app. Once a new screen was pulled up, he straightened up and looked at the empty board expectantly. 

Jason eyed the phone and blinked before turning back to the board. Near-silent squeaks emitted from the marker has he began to write, the sound barely traveling to Tim's ears.

His handwriting was chaotic but in an endearing way. He took after Bruce who wrote in all capital letters, straight and harsh lines that seemed to bold themselves across parchment. Jason wrote the first letter of each word slightly larger than the rest so he could still capitalize his own letters—a small but notable difference. Everyone in the family could easily tell the two handwritings apart because of this, even if they were so similar. 

On the board in bold letters was ‘Getting Laid 101’ and Tim had to swallow down a chuckle with just how similar this was to a lecture. 

“Alright,” Jason clapped his hands together, “Let’s get you laid.”

[an1muuarts]

i would make an fnf cover BUT EVERYTHING IS IN FUCKIN FLP

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[bosspigeon]

so bc i am a Gross Dude my friends i and sometimes rate our burps and my coworker (who is a teen girl) burped in front of me once and i instinctively rated it

so now every time she burps she looks to me hopefully for a rating and bc she has delicate little baby burps i now have to create an entirely new Burp Rating System unique to her bc i rate anything below a 5 and she looks at me like this

[hinamie]

10 years later

[peanutseagle]

Yeah. so. episode three

[kindrehd]

congrats on the new child king

[pigswithwings]

above all else a trans woman is a person. above all else a trans women is a woman who goes to the same grocery store as you and buys fruits in the same grocery cart as you and goes home and eats her dinner the same as you. above all else a trans woman is a woman who dresses like you do and talks the same way you do. above all else a trans woman is a woman who wants to be cared about the same way you want to be cared about and a trans woman is a woman who makes friends the same way you make friends. above all else you should care about trans women because they are people. treat her as such.

[mynnthia]

was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.

to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:

kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him

[brucie-baby]

the fact that alfred was the one to put up jason's memorial is so important to me

[verflares]

just how long is forever? // not long enough, with you

pssst. check this out on inprnt :]

[milkygothgf]

I want to be corrupted into a total sex obsessed freak sooooo bad. I want to be forced to get horny from literally everything. Stick household objects in me. Make me hump shoes and bags and clothes. Make me finger myself anytime I talk on the phone. Make me rub my pussy juices on all of my things. Make me watch porn at work. Make me always keep an earbud in so I can listen to girls getting fucked streamed 24/7. Keep a dildo in me anytime I use my computer. Make me sexualize every nonsexual thing in my life. I want to be completely perverted.

[spicybeefu]

What if Pokemon & Animal Crossing had a crossover game? #10 Made in Blender, Wooper design by @omuart on instagram!

[platoapproved]

louis + cruelty